CONTENT WARNING: LINKS TO DESCRIPTIONS OF CHILD ABUSE
I posted the comment below originally on Libby Anne’s blog. It was a post on how Focus on The Family founder James Dobson defends corporal punishment for children until they cry “genuine tears.” This is in relation to Adrian Peterson abusing his child. A member of Focus on the Family decried Mr. Peterson’s abuse while still defending corporal punishment (corporal punishment the founder of his organization defends in exactly the same way Mr. Peterson does). The hypocrisy is stunning and unsurprising.
I refuse to read accounts of Mr. Peterson’s crimes because … fuck that noise, seriously. I think that Mr. Peterson, Mr. Dobson, and those of their ilk need to hear from a person that endured such abuse so they can know directly from someone who survived such “loving discipline” what they can expect from us.
Dear Mr. Dobson:
Know this: the child you demand emotional and physical capitulation from will become a ticking time bomb for you.
You’re the type of man my father is and my ex-stepfather might still be. I may have appeared to be a squishy sponge they could wring some convincing tears from (or, more likely, a wary and lethal silence), but that sponge developed secret hollows and recesses where hooks, blades, knives, and needles could spring out if you squeezed me carelessly, too tightly, or with too much force.
Don’t believe for one second that capitulation means agreement with your methods or your philosophy. Our silence is a waiting game, a wait-and-see détente should we survive your abuse and make it to a productive, self-articulated adulthood light years away from your toxic influence.
My elderly father wants a loving relationship with me now. He will never get it. The best he can expect is a chilly distance and cool, unfathomable tolerance of his choices from as far a distance away from me as will keep me safe. This is the best he can hope for until his death or mine. There will be no Hallmark moment. The well-being of my ex-stepfather (who never physically harmed me but emotionally battered me into the ground) holds neither consequence for me nor importance. His continued existence, good or ill, holds no attraction for me.
Yours truly,
An Atheist, Feminist son of a fundamentalist christian
The above is what “loving parents” who beat their children can expect from us survivors—hearts and minds hardened against you for failing to actually love us. If you refuse to admit what you did had a detrimental impact and if you refuse to disown abusive parenting practices from that point on, any relationship you have with us after the fact will be superficial and distant by necessity.
AAAtheist 