So I ended my QUILTBAG experiment on Christian Mingle.  I deactivated both my site profile and its associated e-mail account.

Why?  Because it looks like an actual QUILTBAG person picked up what I was putting down.

That person didn’t come right out and say it (and neither did I), but the clues that I left seem to have been understood by someone that was ever-so-subtly exploiting the limitations of Christian Mingle’s website (in the same way I did). That individual (who might be semi-closeted out of necessity) deserves better than a provocateur exploring questions for his own edification. They deserve interaction with someone who’s also sincerely looking for companionship, even within the confines of bigoted Christian communities.

When you’re asked to create a profile for the first time, you are asked whether or not you are a man or a woman (I indicated I was a woman, even though I’m a man).  That doesn’t help agender or gender-fluid individuals, nor does it allow for transgender identities to be indicated.  You then are asked to construct other details of your profile (height, age range, body type, hair color, eye color, Christian religious affiliation [which does include “not sure yet,” “other,” and blank options], education, occupation, political orientation, marital status [single, widowed, divorced], whether you have kids, whether you want kids, smoking and drinking habits, your personal dress style, how punctual you are, your ethnicity, how many languages you speak, what [Christian] religion you were raised in, and how often you attend church).  You can search for your ideal companion along those parameters as well.

Once your profile is constructed, you can upload pictures of yourself.  I instead uploaded my own personal drawings of African-American women (to avoid copyright infringement and to not create a false impression by uploading someone else’s picture), pictures of same-sex events for women of color, and one of a famous black lesbian.  There’s a quote section, and I filled it with original poetry suggesting my acceptance of QUILTBAG relationships and quotes attributed to QUILTBAG women (of color).  There’s also a section where you can indicate what activities you like to do and there are rather innocuous questions of the week that you can answer (I answered three of them).

I also described myself as follows:

Who am I and what am I looking for?

I am questioning everything I’ve learned from the church … hard. So much of it has been hateful, unloving, and bigoted. I hope this isn’t all there is to Christianity.

I’d like to meet loving, open-minded individuals. First, I want to know if you’re genuinely a good, caring person. I think I am, but others haven’t thought so. I’d really like to get to know a caring individual. Let’s be friends first … and perhaps there will be more later.

What good things have past relationships taught me?

To treat everyone with respect as long as they treat you with respect. To consider everyone your equal unless they consider you inferior. That love knows no boundaries and that abuse is horrible, in all its facets.

To me, being a Christian means:

I have no idea. I’ve met good people, indifferent people, kind people, and cruel people. However, the Christians I’ve met seem to gloss over their flaws and problems simply by declaring themselves Christian, as if that was enough.

How long have you been a Christian?

I was raised Christian, but I’m not sure what that means anymore. I rarely attend church.

What will I do and accomplish in the next five years?

Keep on keeping on with my job and hobbies.

My favorite Bible passage and why:

I don’t have a favorite bible passage. I’m seriously considering quitting Christianity based on the abuse I’ve suffered from Christians in the past. However, the main reason I’m thinking about leaving is that I’m pretty sure religion isn’t literally true.

My first responses (indicated in the “who’s viewed you” section) were from men.  I immediately blocked the majority of them, changed my search parameters to look for women, and “favorited” (clicking a yellow star) women that didn’t indicate a stated preference for men (“I’m looking for someone” or “I want a person” and such).

Throughout the 15 days my profile was active, men would routinely view my profile.  Some of them sent me a “smile” (indicating they would like a more personal interaction—conveniently available only in the paid membership section … which I never accessed).  In total, I viewed 229 profiles (mostly of women), favorited 71 profiles (all women), and blocked 26 profiles (25 men and 1 woman).  The website even let me know of problem individuals that they, on my behalf, blocked from having further contact with me.

I have to say, however, that you certainly can look worldwide for potential Christian mates in the site.  It’s very good in that regard.  I specified my location as an area of the United States where I don’t currently reside.  All my searches for potential partners were in that particular area as well.

Again, the problem with the website is that they do all that work to refine and specify profiles … but leave expansive definitions of gender, romantic and sexual orientation, and relationship style out of the mix.  If they do that intentionally to appeal to Christian bigots, that’s horrible.  If they’re still in the process of expanding their website to accommodate QUILTBAG individuals, then they need to get on the ball.  Let individual Christians that use the site define what it means to be a Christian, even if that conflicts with other Christians’ bigoted ideas.