How normal is it to have a massive crush on my best friend?  We are both girls, she is out as bisexual and I’m not out yet.  I fantasize about her and I want to kiss her [every time] I see her but I can’t tell if she has a crush on me back.

Don’t worry about other people’s “normal.”

What feels right to you?

You said you’re not out … yet. I’m sure you have perfectly valid reasons for not disclosing this.

Crushes aren’t often disclosed. If you want to know, for sure, your crush will turn into something else.

Is your friend the kind of person who’s accepting of non-normative sexual and gender identities? I’m guessing, as an out bisexual woman, she probably is. This bodes well for you. Test the waters. Discuss out lesbian and bisexual celebrities with her (Ellen DeGeneres, Wanda Sykes, Maria Bello, Ellen Page, etc.) or plots from media that are accepting of QUILTBAG stories and characters (Blue Is The Warmest Color, The L Word, Tales of the City, Sense8).

If your friend shows herself to be the kind of person that accepts others’ differences (and similarities), congratulations. You have a good friend that’s also a good person.

Now comes the difficult part. Somehow, some way, you’re going to have to disclose your love of women. If your friend is as awesome as I think she is, she won’t have any problem with you. If you decide to disclose your specific interest in her, brace yourself for temporary disappointment. People who are unaware of their friends’ romantic/sexual interest in them will need some time to process this new information. It’s not just your romantic and erotic feelings on the line. She stands to lose a great platonic friend as well.

If she says she loves you as a friend but doesn’t see you in that way, well … I won’t lie. It’s gonna suck for you. Try to accept this with as much grace, wisdom, and poise as possible. Give yourself time to grieve the loss of your dream. If you still want to be friends, be the amazing friend she knew before the disclosure.

If she says she does see you that way and would like to take things to the next level (whatever you both decide that level is), then you’re in a fantastic, scary, and thrilling new world. Hooray, salutations, cheers, and all the best.

In any case, continue to be spectacular, don’t make any assumptions, and keep your heart open and strong.

I wish only the best for you both.