*** Content Warning: Slightly Sexually Suggestive Commentary Below. ***

How do I guide my boyfriend to have better sex?

You’re the guide, the sign, the answer to the question, the great opportunity, the key to the lock, the “A-Ha!” moment, et cetera, ad nauseum.

Next time you’re both “doin’ the deed,” “knockin’ each other’s boots,” “gettin’ down and dirty,” (I know … I make myself sick sometimes, too) stop and say something like, “That was fun, honey. There’s something else I’ve been dreaming of and I want you to help me make it come true. Care to try?” If the answer is yes, then show him or demonstrate that something else. When he starts, give sexy feedback. (“Slower” … “faster” … “do circles” … “softer” … “harder” …“use your tongue and your fingers” … “let’s hop in the shower” … “Yes, that!”)

What “something,” you ask? The something we can’t know, the erotic thing that prompted you to ask this question, the “better sex” (whatever that is) that you crave, the experience that would make you truly satisfied, if only you shared it with your boyfriend.

We don’t need the details, but you and your boyfriend definitely do. Find a creative, funny, and sexy way to get the point across that doesn’t trigger your insecurities or fears.

After you get what you really want, ask him if there’s something he’s been yearning for that he’s been too shy to ask for up until this point. If it’s something you’re amenable to as well, go make that “better sex” happen (for him specifically, but for your benefit, too).

Now you’ve got the specific information that applies to the two of you. In the future, you can use that knowledge to get what you both want easier and with less drama. This should also help you discover things you never knew you liked until you both were willing to get honest and a little brave.