*** Content Warning: Frank Discussions of Mother/Son Sexual Abuse/Incest ***

From the original:

… I am experiencing something very different from anything I have before and somehow I cannot stop fantasizing about this. Here are 3 things that have happened:

When I was in Grade 5, my father was living in the province, so we all slept with my mother in the same bedroom because that was the only one that had [air conditioning]. One morning, I woke up with my back turned way from my mother. I felt my mother was waking me up on purpose. Her thing was on top of me, her genitals were against my buttocks, and she was grinding it against my buttocks, she was giggling and whispering things. I didn’t move. I pretended I was asleep and eventually, she [went] to the bathroom.

When I was already in college, my parents separated. My father had stopped giving my mother his salary and it had been over 10 years, according to my mother, since they last made love. There was a brownout one night. My mother invited me to sleep in the sala {living room} because it was much cooler there. I did not agree to do so. My bedroom door was open, and I could see the folding bed my mother was lying on. She had a blanket over her and I could see that she was fingering herself under the blanket. I saw, because her folding bed was positioned right in front of my door. I do not know if she was purposely making an exhibition of herself.

The 3rd instance also happened when I was in college. My mother was putting on some makeup in the sala. She had nothing on but her robe. Once she had finished making herself up, she came over and kissed me on the cheek. Her robe was not tied, and all she did was kiss me, and then she went back to her room and closed the door.

My question is: doesn’t it seem as though she wants to sleep with me? As if all she is waiting for is for me to force myself on her? Is she just waiting for me to find a way so that we can have sex? I feel she is trying to seduce me. Is this considered sexual abuse? Please help. I am so confused.

Answer to the first question: It doesn’t just seem like your mother wanted to sleep with you. Your mother actually sexually abused you as a child.

Answer to second question: No, she doesn’t want you to rape her. She groomed you and violated all sorts of boundaries for her own selfish interests.

Answer to third question: No, she’s not waiting for you to “find a way” to have sex with her. No sexual abuser cares about the consent of the people they assault. Your feelings and desires never entered into the equation. She found what she wanted and took it without any concern for your feelings. In grade 5, you would have been 10–11 years old, a preteen. No child can conceive of, much less want, to have adult sex with their parents.

Answer to the fourth question: Your mother unquestionably sexually abused you.

The advice you got at the original website was right on the money. Seek therapy to deal with the anger and resentment you unquestionably feel towards a parent that should have cared for, nurtured, and respected you instead of exploiting you.  If you don’t trust my opinion or theirs, trust Leslie Margolin, a researcher from Cornell University specializing in the psychology of the mother-son incest dynamic.

The Effects of Mother-Son Incest

The notion that an atmosphere of total permissiveness or total sensory gratification pervades the mother-son incest relationship is not at all apparent from the cases which have been examined. The opposite is true. If these mothers can be characterized by one single quality, it is their demandingness. With the exception of [one] mother, they are interested primarily, if not exclusively, in the satisfaction of their needs, not the needs of the son.

NONE OF THIS WAS EVER YOUR FAULT. YOU AREN’T TO BLAME FOR ANY OF THIS. I am so sorry she did this to you.