Having never been traditionally married (never wanting to be traditionally married), I would have to imagine it’s some form of unceasing torture.

I’m not going to pick on other people’s cultures and how they navigate mating, adult erotic companionship, and romantic feelings because that’s lazy, but I will mention what people that defend those types of arrangements emphasize.

1. That love, respect, and maybe attraction will develop over time.
2. That, on some level, they do take the feelings and preferences of the participants into consideration before a match is made so that it’s not a completely inconsiderate and coercive pairing.

In other words, despite the traditional (read: “forced”) arrangement, the participants buy into the proceedings in some fashion. What I’m about to list is where problems will undoubtedly arise in those types of arrangements.

1. If one or more of the participants is QUILTBAG.
2. If one or more of the participants is inherently not monogamous.
3. If one or more of the participants is inherently kinky.
4. If one or more of the participants prefers living a single life.
5. If one or more of the participants doesn’t want children.
6. If one or more of the participants wants to date/have sex/find romance outside of their own culture, ethnicity, race, or society’s expectations.
7. If one or more of the participants isn’t attracted physically, romantically, emotionally, socially, or any other way to their match and they don’t see that changing over time.
8. If one or more of the participants doesn’t want to be married to the person being chosen for them.

In other words, the “success” stories fit a nice, almost propaganda-like template extolling the virtues of the arrangement style (much like dating sites and “rule-based” partnership/sex/romance marketing schemes do). The horror stories never make the front pages. In more other words, someone’s trying to sell you something (or, in the worst cases, someone—or you’re being sold yourself). “Follow these directions and get lifelong partnership / sexual / romantic satisfaction.” The truth is always going to be more complicated than that. The extent to which you’re going to resist and defy such pressure is the extent to which you’re going to live a fulfilled, ethical, and authentic life. Nothing is ever guaranteed.