I am married and have two kids. I’m looking for another man. Someone I can love and he can love me. I don’t mean for an affair either. Do I come with too much baggage?

You and your children are not baggage. Divorce first, then look for someone who will love you and your children. The men who consider your kids “baggage” aren’t worth your consideration. Cross them off your list.

Unfortunately, you will be the focus of certain individuals you need to keep a wary eye out for.

Child and Spouse Abusers: Yes, there are people (usually men) who see a woman with children as an attractive option because they want servants to do their bidding. I was a child in one of these situations. The man in my situation turned out to be a complete and utterly abusive shit. Of course he was as charming as you please during the courting phase. Gradually, over time, he revealed his true colors. Note any red flags now, don’t dismiss them as “having a bad day,” and take them seriously.

Bigoted Men: Some of the worst guys love to thump their chest and proclaim their “good family man” status. I can’t tell you how many homophobes, racists, snobs, misogynists, and all-around hateful dudes I’ve encountered who fit the “good family man” criteria. Trust your inner voice on this.

Closeted Men: Thankfully, this group is getting smaller because of society’s growing acceptance of QUILTBAG rights. However, closeted men in conservative communities who stand to lose prestige and acceptance in their constricted worlds will see a woman with children as ready-made cover. I’m not blaming gay, bi, and pan individuals for this. I’m blaming societal bigotry. You don’t want that bigotry affecting your choice of mate, however. If a man is more than willing to forego physical intimacy with you and has mysterious absences away from home, take note.

Green Card Seekers: Again, men who do this will be as charming as you can imagine at first, right up until they get their documentation, at which point they’ll turn abusive or vanish on you with a head-turning quickness.

Pedophiles: I don’t think I need to say anything further. Trust the intuition that tells you he’s paying just a little too much attention to your kids.

You don’t have to treat every potential mate like a predator. Just note that you’re an attractive target to certain men pushing their desire to partner with you/marry harder and faster than is advisable.

Be careful, keep your financial and social independence no matter what future relationships you get into, and trust your gut.