I saw my best friend (girl) masturbating. I’m a boy. She doesn’t talk to me ever since. I tried to explain to her that I don’t judge her and everyone does it, including me. I don’t want to lose our friendship. What should I do?

Er … um … how in the world did that happen?

The only ways I can imagine this happening are (1) you unintentionally interrupted your friend that’s a girl during a private moment or (2) you intentionally interrupted/spied on her during a private moment.

I really, really, really hope that the answer is #1. Because if it’s #2, you’re not her friend and you’re very possibly a bad person.

If the answer is #1, you need to work on not interrupting your friend that’s a girl during private moments. This means no more opening closed doors without first knocking and being invited in and no more surprise visits to her home or room or camping tent or bathroom stall or whatever. Start practicing consent now and get good at it. (“Is it okay if I come over? ” “Is it okay to come in?” “Do you want me to leave?”)

Your “everybody does it” excuse doesn’t erase the fact that your friend is most likely mortified and never wanted you to see her in that fashion. She’d probably be less freaked out if the person who “forgot to knock” was a girl like herself. This does not mean you’re bad or wrong because you’re a boy. She’s just less likely to be teased/harassed/bullied in a gendered way that boys unfortunately often learn to mimic from inconsiderate male peers. Furthermore, she’s also more likely to be understood and consoled by friends who live her gender experiences.

Congratulations on being her friend. If your friendship survives this, this may be one of those things that you mutually agree never to mention again. Or you may have lost your friend for good. Live, learn, and practice honoring boundaries without having to be told.