Do you think it’s wise for parents to tell their children they have to hug a family member when they see them?

It is absolutely unwise to teach a child they have to touch someone against their will.

Instead, teach them it’s okay to establish their own touch comfort levels. You can also teach them that it’s considered polite to acknowledge another person greeting you (a handshake, a brief hello, waving). That greeting does not mandate pressing their bodies against people they don’t want to or having people touch them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable (i.e., they can call off hugs and kisses when they want to or set time limits on them).

Yes, I get this can be a cultural thing. But cultures are not static. People can incorporate different ways of doing things into their long-standing cultural traditions.

My father was emotionally incestuous with me and my siblings. He also suffered undiagnosed depression after my mother divorced him. When he pressured us for hugs, there was no way to deny them. It made me feel like I was responsible for keeping him happy. That was not my job. That was his responsibility. To this day, I hate mandatory hugs, kisses, and tickles.  Yes, he was one of those ticklers that didn’t stop even when I was involuntarily laughing and screaming “No!” at the same time.   Surprise, surprise.  Regardless, I love voluntary hugs and kisses.

Again, let your kids establish their touch comfort levels with individuals and let your other family members know you’re going to do things a little bit differently than what’s traditionally been the case. We want kids to be able to let trusted others know when someone’s crossed the line. You make that exponentially more difficult when you teach them that some people are allowed to disregard bodily autonomy, no matter how “harmless” the touch initiator considers it.

Addendum: I think it’s hilarious that some people are disappointed with the “American” perspective on boundaries and touch regarding families. The American perspective used to be automatic touching of children by family whether they liked it or not—i.e., the perspective of people from “other” cultures. American’s aren’t against affection. Americans, through unfortunate example after creepy example after horrifying example, have learned the hard way about the undetected predators in our “happy” families. All we’re saying is let it be a kid’s choice whether or not they want to hug or kiss. Disappointed huggers/kissers/touchers can still get all the voluntary touching they desire.