Why don’t people understand why women or men remain in abusive relationships for many years or never leave?

Abusers of every stripe (child molesters, sexual harassers, narcissists and sociopaths, flashers, rapists, child abusers, wife beaters, date rapists, frat brothers, etc.) do everything in their power to seem “normal” to outsiders (i.e., those not getting abused) so that they can continue to abuse their victims with impunity.

In other words, people just cannot believe that “nice,” “normal,” “wouldn’t hurt a fly” John and Jane Faceslap are abusers. That can’t be right, can it? It must be a lie because I’ve never seen them do anything like that myself/they’ve never done anything like that to me/what’s being alleged doesn’t really count as “abuse” abuse.

No shit. Why would abusers tip their hands and give others evidence they could be prosecuted with? Why would they deny the abuse if the abuse being alleged is considered “normal” {for instance, spanking being considered “discipline” or “boys will be boys” or “hugging and kissing” without consent}? Why would survivors even bother reporting abuse when an abuser can be recorded bragging about sexually assaulting people and be rewarded with the U.S. Presidency? Why would survivors even bother reporting abuse if it comes to light and is not passed on to law enforcement in order to save the reputations of powerful individuals and institutions {*Cough* The Catholic Church *Cough* Penn State *Cough* Matt Lauer *Cough* Louis C.K. *Cough* Bill Cosby *Cough* etc., etc., etc. …}?

When you can discredit, shame, and silence the victim so thoroughly and completely and make it look like the problem is abuse victims not resisting effectively and sufficiently enough rather than abusers abusing people … well, abusers now know nothing truly prevents them from getting away with their transgressions. What’s a survivor to do?

From RAINN’s website, regarding sexual assault:

The Vast Majority of Perpetrators Will Not Go to Jail or Prison

Perpetrators of sexual violence are less likely to go to jail or prison than other criminals.

The Majority of Sexual Assaults Are Not Reported to the Police

From U.S. News and World Report:

Despite progress, many cases of domestic violence stay in the dark. Only a little over half of cases are reported to authorities, and only about a third of victims injured in intimate partner violence receive medical care, the Department of Justice said.

Facing those daunting statistics, it’s a miracle as many abuse survivors that do report abuse report it at all.