How do I cope with feeling like my partner isn’t sexually attracted to me anymore?

Why cope?*

Unless you’re sexually averse, don’t you want your partner to actually be sexually attracted to you?

Have you stopped flirting with each other? Have you stopped making mutual intimacy a priority? (Not just the physical act of love, but all the other “good” stuff—kissing, hugging, tickling, hinting, dancing, talking to each other about your hopes and dreams and fantasies, etc.)

Notice I haven’t said anything about appearances or physicality. That’s the superficial part of attraction. Yeah, you could work out more or wear sexier clothing or try new things in bed, but without concern, respect, and interest in your partner(s), that won’t last long.

I’m not saying you have to say exactly these following words, but you want to communicate to your partner(s) in a nonthreatening way your wish to be desired.

Honey. I absolutely love it when you show me how much you want me. Flirt with me more, please? The love letters you used to write to me were amazing. Please write more. Remember that night in (your special place)? I want more nights like that. If you do this for me, I promise I’ll do the same for you.

Longingly Yours, in Love, Sex, and Every Which Way,

Your Expectant Lover

Something like this. It doesn’t even have to be words. If you have a special food, television show that you watch together, hobby that led to you being mutually attracted, a painting or a picture or a photograph or a song that says to the other person/people “I love you and want you,” any of that can be the erotic shorthand you use to communicate your wish to be closer.

Again I ask, “Why cope?” If the spark has completely gone out of your relationship and there’s no way of getting it back, I don’t see the point of relegating yourself to misery. Short of that, however, give it your best shot. If they no longer wish to be sexual but are still romantically attracted to you, realistically ask yourself if you can live with that situation.

* Addendum: As always, my examples assume active, ongoing, uncompromised consent of all involved parties and absolutely no bigotry, coercion (physical, personal, institutional, and cultural), and abuse.