What ruined your marriage?

People that endorse marriage are fuckin’ hilarious and tragic, all at the same time.

I’m not belittling anyone’s failed marriage, problems in relationships, or what have you. I’m not downplaying the detriment abuse causes in any human interaction.  But one observation I’ve heard is milkshake-squirting-through-the-nose funny.  (Paraphrase follows.)

“[Marriage] ruined my marriage.”

That is so true, so spot on, and so insightful as to have been written by a professional comic that’s also a psychiatrist and a sage.

We invest the cultural institution of marriage with way too much power, influence, significance, and meaning. I’m not saying those who get married and are happy are wrong. I’m not saying that people that don’t want to be married are right. What I’m saying, and observing, is how little credit we give ourselves for our successes, predilections, mistakes, and authenticity. Marriage, historically and currently, retains multiple legacies of force, coercion, threat, denial, and disingenuousness. Those having successful relationships, married or not, are doing so despite the cultural hegemony of marriage, not because of it.

Choose whatever relationship style works best for you. Be honest, even about the dirty, funky, sexual, pitiful, ghastly, lonely, and desperate parts of yourself, and learn to laugh about and love those things as much as your “higher” ideals.

Partner or don’t partner, but love yourselves and the intoxicating, frustrating, contradictory yet attractive mess that is humanity.