I have a high libido and my partner has a low libido. How do we find a middle ground?
No, consent doesn’t have to be enthusiastic in order for it to be valid. It just has to be freely given, without force, coercion, or deception.
A partner with lower libido can agree to have sex more often than they normally would want for whatever reason sits well with them [because they want to please their partner, because their partner will “reward” them in another fashion, because they and their partner want to have a baby, because it might be a semi-pleasant distraction from a problem or an unpleasant feeling, because you’re a sex worker whose conditions for consent involve the client not trying to get you off, etc.]. They simply have to agree to the terms of their own volition. Enthusiastic consent is a good place to start for sexual novices, but it might be unrealistic in many situations. The partner with the higher libido can agree to have partnered sex less often than they normally would if this is okay with them.
Major differences in libido that don’t sit well with partners may require a fundamental change in the relationship, up to and including ending it. But for people that don’t mind having a little extra or a little less partnered sex than they normally would, you don’t need to worry that you’re sexually assaulting or raping your partner. Just check in, don’t pressure each other, be honest, and renegotiate terms if it’s not working out.
* Do not think for one second I’m promoting rape, sexual assault, and coercion. I’m not doing that. I’m simply saying that the participants in sexual activity don’t have to have steam coming out of their private parts for their consent to be valid. It just simply needs to be real. It doesn’t have to meet some standard outside of the participants’ conditions.
AAAtheist 