Why do people believe abusers, or get angry at victims protecting themselves, despite proof? Is it the guilt or the abusers that manipulate?
Simple.
Believing abusers is the easy, default cultural script.
Everything, and I mean everything, is designed to support, uphold, and maintain most abusers’ privilege, from …
- “Might makes right” to …
- The “rule of thumb” to …
- “Parental rights” to …
- “What was she wearing?” to …
- “My home is my castle (and everyone in it besides me are serfs)” to …
- “Where’s my dinner?” and “I wouldn’t have to hurt you if you would just do what I say” to …
- “You shouldn’t have drunk so much” to …
- “Children make up stories” to …
- “How hard did you fight back?” to …
- “Are you sure it wasn’t a misunderstanding? Why didn’t you say something sooner? You had a(n involuntary) sexual response–You must have wanted it” to …
- “Men have needs (and women should acquiesce and never ask for what they want, being sexless vessels without desires of their own?)” to …
- “Gay/lesbian/bisexual/transgender people are sexual predators (but the people most likely to sexually assault—straight men—get an almost universal free pass)” to …
- “Get over here and give your grandfather a kiss right now! How dare you be so disrespectful?” to …
- “Women and children are the property of their husbands” to …
- “Those people are naturally sexually insatiable/submissive–You can’t rape them” to …
- “I paid for sexual services–I can do what I want” to …
- “You didn’t say no (never mind the fact that I didn’t actually say yes or indicate consent)” to …
- “I paid for dinner and a movie and I expect you to make it up to me” plus “Why did you go to his hotel room? What else did you expect?” (as if not being raped is too much to ask for) to …
- “I would love it if strange women approached me for sex!” (only imagining women you actually desire instead of individuals that scare, frighten, and threaten you throughout your lifetime) to …
- “Locker room talk” and so on, and so on, and so on …
If the whole of human history was an hour, respect for consent, the rights of women, children, humans, QUILTBAG people, the poor, people of color, the disabled and so on would be the last few milliseconds.
Considering the huge weight of discriminatory and abusive cultural norms people that strive for social justice fight against, it’s a wonder we speak out at all rather than duck our heads and hope for the best. It’s a wonder abuse survivors like myself ever admit that it happened.
AAAtheist 