Is there a difference between intimate and sexual?

You know what? I don’t think there’s any truly definitive answer.

Some people are very good at making the emotional intimacy/sex divide. For some people, fucking is just fucking and romance/intimacy is something else entirely.

However …

Some people set out looking for hook-ups, no-strings-attached types of arrangements, and friends with benefits. And their silly asses end up falling in love anyway. I think this is perfectly okay and totally human.

Some people think they’re supposed to fall in love and have deep emotional connections with their sexual/romantic partners. And their silly asses end up concluding all they really wanted was a roll in the hay. I think this is perfectly okay and totally human, as well.

People, am I right?     ; – )

If you can truly, honestly assess your own character and be able to communicate this to partners, I think that’s your best way forward. If you can approximate something like the following, I think you’re golden.

“I know we’re going to hook up, but I also like to cuddle afterwards and I may even cry a little. I fall hard for my sex buddies. Please don’t freak out about this.”

“Honey, I know I went into this polyamorous (or swinging or open relationship) arrangement with my eyes wide open, but I think I’d like to transition into a monogamous arrangement with you. Is that okay? I’ll understand if you say no thanks, and I’ll probably even be a little (or a lot) hurt if you reject my offer. But I’m taking a chance that my honesty will be appreciated.”

“Darling, this traditional arrangement just isn’t working out for me. I guess I’ve figured out that monogamy just doesn’t work for me. I’d love to have you in my life … if it’s okay that I have others in my life as well. I wanted to be honest about this with you instead of going behind your back. I’ll understand if you decide this isn’t what you signed up for and I’m prepared to walk away without any regrets or recriminations.”

Or maybe you can’t do any of this and someone not meeting your expectations results in a snot-faced, tear-streaked, screaming and wailing jealous freak out. As long as you don’t get violent or threatening about it, I think this is perfectly okay and totally human, also.

We can set up a ton of rules, regulations, and expectations about how we should act in intimate relationships … only to find out that we were never fully comfortable with those conditions or that we were okay with them until something changed in ourselves and others.

We’re not all perfectly contained, 100%-in-tune-with-emotions-and-motivations empathy angels. Sometimes we fuck up and learn. As long as we don’t use that as an excuse for abuse and manipulation, I think it is perfectly okay for our sex, love, and life lessons to be messy and difficult.

This has been a roundabout way of answering your question with, “Sometimes yes, sometimes no, maybe both happen often at the same time, or maybe the two never meet in certain circumstances?”

All the best to you, fellow adventurer.