How can I politely make a woman understand that I want to have sex with her?  Do they hate it when you’re too direct sometimes?

Sex is never a “polite” request.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying sexual requests are disrespectful by their very nature. Yes, even sexual requests can be respectful. You can even pose a sexual request in a highly refined, overly mannered way (which, to me, would be hilariously funny and ironic).

But here’s the kicker. You can only do that with like-minded individuals. That means women have to want to do that with you, too. Do you think women don’t have the same concerns? If you think women aren’t concerned with being too direct or coming on too strong themselves, you need to meet more women (hopefully in a non-romantic and non-sexual context to gain much needed perspective).

Try flirting with the goal of seeing who’s picking up what you’re putting down. Only do this in an environment where your interest will be welcome. That means work, public transportation, enclosed areas like elevators, and women doing their jobs (especially service work) for your benefit are all off limits scenarios. In other words, go on dates.

I’m not going to tell you how to date or what to look for in a date. Whatever kind of dating you do, make sure you’re respectful, make sure you honor consent, and make sure you accept refusals every time you get them.

This leaves all the people who might be interested in you as a possibility. The beautiful thing about this is, when it works, they will be as equally concerned about what you’re concerned about. Smiling, prolonging eye contact, subtle and indirect touching, having an excuse to get closer to you, holding hands, etc., etc., are all cues of interest towards you, but not yet consent.

Should everyone want to take things further at that point, honesty will very much be appreciated. (“Things seem to be moving pretty fast. Do you want to schedule another date where we talk about getting more intimate?” or enquiries like this should be helpful to all involved.) You can then establish STI statuses, kinks, preferences, protection, and all the basics before rushing into anything.

So, to recap, directness outside of flirting, romance, and dating scenarios? Very much not wanted. Directness when compatibility, interest, desire, and mutual attraction are established and confirmed? Very much wanted.

When everyone’s at the “very much wanted” stage, make your polite request. See if you don’t all dissolve into a fit of giggles (if you can manage to keep your hands off of each other).

All the best. ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥ ♥