Why do people give so much importance to sexual satisfaction in a marriage?

Satisfying, thrilling, enjoyable, comforting, and pleasurable sexual experience is very important to a great number of people.

Many of those people will be married. It’s a good bet that most of them have been sold a false bill of goods when it comes to sexuality, especially when it relates to the conservative (often religious) social dynamics surrounding many married unions.

1. You’re not supposed to be sexual before marriage.  Once you are married, however, you pretty much always have to be “on” (especially if you’re a wife and your husband wants sex).
2. Children, jobs, housework, money, and other associated adult responsibilities won’t affect your libido at all.
3. A man married to a woman will always want sex more than his wife.
4. Sexual incompatibility can be resolved once you say “I do.”
5. Appearances are more important than reality.
6. You can have sex whenever you want it.
7. Swinging, open relationships, and polyamory are just excuses to cheat.
8. Novelty, experimentation, romance, curiosity, and playfulness are for the honeymoon stage of marriage. After a while, you’re supposed to “settle down” and “give it a rest.”
9. Women should shake pregnancy off and get back to what they were, sexually and physically, before they had children.
10. Men don’t have to worry about maintaining their romantic and physical appeal for their wives, but women definitely should for their husbands.
11. People shouldn’t hide their QUILTBAG orientations from their spouses (even though society does everything in its power to make non-heterosexual people unsafe and uncomfortable).
12. Even if you haven’t been given comprehensive sexual education (from caregivers, school, or society in general), you should just know what to do romantically and sexually once you tie the knot.
13. Ignorance about romantic and sexual matters is considered an attractive quality in a spouse.
14. Sexual harassment, sexual assault, and rape can’t happen in a marriage.
15. Being coy, insincere, demanding, and resentful are preferable to being honest, direct, flexible, and considerate.
16. Substance abuse, addictions, and mental illness won’t affect libido at all.
17. Previous sexual experience degrades and cheapens the martial union.
18. Taking each other for granted shouldn’t affect the frequency and passionate intensity of (married) sex.
19. Sex will definitely fix other problems in the marriage.
20. People that get married and stay married are happier than people that separate, divorce, or aren’t married.

I could go on, but I think you get the picture.

And, no, I’m not saying people have to have a ton of partners and have a lot of sex before they get married. I’m saying they have to know what they want and know what they’re working with, personally and partner-wise. That means the most honest, courageous, introspective, and practical disclosure and behavior before and during any intimate adult relationship. How many people discover the twenty points I’ve mentioned before are bullshit only after they’ve gotten married?

Food for thought.     : – /