I’m a 13-year-old girl who’s afraid and ashamed to masturbate. Are there ways to learn how to do this and is there any possibility I could harm myself? What would be some safe things to use?

I’m going to give you the most appropriate answer I can think of.

As erotic material, sex toys, and sex aids are designed for adults, you can’t legally access that material or those instruments. I am not going to encourage you to do so. However, I’m not going to shame or belittle you should you manage to get your hands on them, either. Just know you are highly unlikely to be ready for the emotional, physical, and social fallout if you are discovered to be in possession of those things.

The safest things for you to use are your hands and your imagination. Make sure you have privacy and won’t be interrupted. You can’t harm yourself by touching yourself, even if you do it a lot. If you find the stimulation to be too intense, try doing so while wearing your underwear or using a towel (that you and you alone wash and dry).

Don’t allow anyone to shame you should they discover you are masturbating, especially your peers who are just as likely to be doing it as much as you, yet lying about it to maintain social status.

I would encourage you to feel comfortable exploring your body and finding out what feels good before (and even in lieu of) having partnered sexual activity. If you can wait till you’re eighteen years of age for that, then do so. However, the figures suggest you probably will not. Should you decide to do so (without force, coercion, peer pressure, or as proof of love), make sure you and your potential partners are protected from STDs and pregnancy (if you and your partner[s] have the kind of body/bodies that can get pregnant).

All the best to you during these exciting and often confusing five years.