How can you deal with someone who cannot be affectionate without always wanting sex? I avoid affection because of this. I am not as sexually driven as he is. It’s not fair to either of us.

Direct, honest, and respectful communication should help you both out.

Give him a chance to prove he can be affectionate without always initiating sex. He’s completely capable of it, after all.

You could start with something like the following.

“Hey, when I ask for a hug / kiss / close bodily contact, I don’t always want it to be sexual. For now, I would appreciate it if you would let me take the lead on initiating sexual contact. Just so there won’t be any misunderstandings, I’ll say something like, ‘Hey, wanna blowjob / go down on me / spank me / fuck?’ When I’m looking for non-erotic physical affection, I’ll say something like, ‘I just want kisses / hugs / foot massages right now, baby.’ I’m not rejecting you. I’m rejecting the frequency of sex you’re offering. If you cut that down to half (three quarters / seven eighths) of your routine frequency, I’ll try and meet you there, although I can’t guarantee it. What do you say to this proposal?”

If he comes at you with a counteroffer that’s slightly more sex than you’re used to that you’re still willing to accept (but less sex than the amount you find uncomfortable), take that into consideration.

Ideally, you would have chosen a partner with a more compatible libido to your own.  The situation is what it is, however.

If he refuses to accommodate your comfort level and sulks / begs / gives you the silent treatment, dump him and find an individual who’s more your speed.