*** CONTENT WARNING: DISCUSSION OF RAPE, KINKY FETISHES, AND ETHICAL CONSENT ***

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People (and I assume you mean consenting adults) get into rape play because it’s one of their mutual kinky sexual fantasies.

There’s no need to feel disgusted by your kinks. You’re kinky. So are lots of other people.

There are (nonsexual) meetings that kink communities often organize to introduce newbies to the basics about consent, safety, and respect. If you can, I advise you to attend these meetings and ask lots of questions.

If you have no desire to join an official group, look up the basics online about practicing kink ethically. Learn how to use restraints, floggers, and striking implements with as much safety as possible. Practice, practice, and practice again before you ever get “in scene” with other willing participants.

The great thing about kinky fantasies (while self-pleasuring) is that there are no rules in your head (except the ones that get you off). Don’t beat yourself up about this (unless that’s also one of your kinks—if so, have at it).

If you find like-minded partners (or at least partners willing to explore your kink in a healthy way), however, rules, discussions, and safe words are absolutely essential. This protects not just you as a submissive partner, but your dominant(s) as well. Practice employing your “safe words” in non-erotic scenarios (meals at restaurants, television programs, etc.) to get experience with your new skills.

I advise the Safe, Sane, and Consensual ethics for kink.

I do not, in any way, shape, or form, promote RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink). I will explain why below.

You, as a submissive interested in rape play, have one of the “high-wire” kinks that has to be thoroughly investigated, planned for, and made safe for all parties. It doesn’t make you damaged or faulty. It simply means you and your partner(s) have more work to do than moderately kinky people.

You and your partner(s) need a 100%-without-fail way to stop if any or all parties needs to call a halt. You also need a 100%-without-fail way to “slow down” (or “speed up”) in scene, if that is what you (both) want. This requires the highest levels of awareness, attention to detail, and responsiveness possible (beforehand, “in scene,” and in after-care sessions).

I hope you can see what I’m implying here. If not, I’ll make it obvious.

Failure to do this, even a little bit (whether because of poor planning, not thoroughly vetting people or their motivations, or because you don’t feel this level of preparation is necessary), leaves open the possibility of actual assault and rape.

Ethical dominants that are willing to entertain your kink have to know they’re not actually raping you, no matter how “hot” that feels in your head. That means you have to build in signs, signals, and procedures that indicate your thorough, obvious, and complete ongoing consent to them, as well as yourself. These have to be categorically different and distinct from your “slow down” and “halt” procedures and everyone involved has to know this information ahead of time.

In RACK, it’s posited that everyone knows the risks ahead of time, so anything that happens afterwards is considered consent. I call bullshit. I can see many different ways that I might consent to something ahead of time that I want to call a halt to if I no longer want what’s happening. Unethical RACK “aficionados” (i.e., rapists) will refuse to listen, telling themselves it’s all part of “the game.”

Unfortunately, there are rapists in the organized kink community. You, as an ethical kinkster, want no part of these people and their flawed kink ethics.

ONLY PLAY WITH PEOPLE THAT RESPECT SAFE WORDS AND SAFETY PROCEDURES.

If you’re going to play with moderately or non-kinky people, they may have little to no interest in even pretending to be your “play rapist.” I hope you can understand why. They have just as much right not to do something they’re uncomfortable with as you do.

Good luck. Stay safe. Plan well.