How do I help my boyfriend with his sexual obsessions? He has asked me to help him get over his obsession with porn, staring at women all the time, and constantly wanting to have sex. How do I help or is this relationship a lost cause?
You don’t.
You are under no obligation to perform unpaid emotional labor for him, even if you are his partner.
I am assuming you are a woman because of how you phrased your question. But even if you aren’t, the answer is the same.
You probably have been taught (formally or informally) that this is what partners (especially women) do in relationships. Please know that his request is bullshit, even if he is suffering.
You’ve stated three separate things, none of which are the problem.
- Using erotic material.
- Looking at women.
- Wanting to have sex.
Again, none of these are a problem.
You’ve already stated the underlying issue more than once, but he’s directed your attention away from it. I hope he hasn’t done it intentionally, but he very well may have.
Your boyfriend obsesses and he doesn’t want to take responsibility for it.
You can encourage him to seek help for the underlying reasons why he does this, but it’s up to him to take it from there. If you’ve paid close attention to this relationship, and I believe you have, you’ve probably noticed how this character trait has shown itself in a lot of other aspects of his life that you haven’t quite articulated. If he succeeds in avoiding the three areas you’ve mentioned before without addressing the underlying problem, that obsession will only shift somewhere else.
Encourage him to seek help with obsessing about things, but refuse to be his uncompensated therapist.
Hopefully he’ll learn from his therapist how to relax and not be unhealthy about his interests. If he doesn’t, decide when you’re going to call it quits and act accordingly.
All the best.
AAAtheist 