Why is it incumbent for the man to satisfy the woman in sex? Shouldn’t the woman be responsible for her own orgasm?

Wow, this question is unfortunately phrased.

Think about asking the question this way:

I’m a little nervous about approaching my partner directly about what she likes sexually. Do you have any tips on how I might start that conversation?

Yes, technically, everyone is responsible for their own orgasms.

HOWEVER …

During partnered sex, ideally you’re letting the other person/people “take the wheel” (your “wheel”), giving sexy and definitive feedback, then returning the favor.

Like, that’s the whole point of partnered sex to me: exploring, in a thrilling and passionate way, what others like plus being pleasantly surprised.

It’s not incumbent on anyone to satisfy anyone else. How does taking that attitude help you or your partner(s), though?

If I were you, I’d get a lot less defensive and a lot more empathetic and flexible.

If she just won’t demonstrate to you what she wants, stop all erotic activity until the underlying problem is clarified and resolved.