If a woman starts punching me (I’m male), is it wrong for me to hit her back even if I’m defending myself?

You may not like my answer. You may think I’m taking the side of women against men. I’m not doing that.

What I’m about to do is point out the tactics of abusive aggressors and how they can instigate physical confrontations by engaging in unremitting mental and emotional interpersonal abuse (then claim they are abused parties when one of their thoroughly frustrated victims strikes back physically).

1. The aggressor screams for minutes to hours in the victim’s face without punching them.
2. The aggressor insults and belittles the victim for months or years (again, without punching the victim).
3. The aggressor uses greater financial resources and social standing/privilege to take advantage of the victim (again, no punching involved).
4. The aggressor uses their greater age, experience, or family status to pressure a reluctant victim to engage with them romantically/sexually (all sans punching).
5. To prevent the victim from reporting the abuse or leaving (no punching necessary), the aggressor uses secrets, confidences, insecurities, lies, and other nonphysical tactics to gain the upper hand.

Finally, the frustrated victim, not experienced enough to call out, deflect, and sidestep the many other forms of equally effective abuse, responds with a slap, push, or a punch to get the abuser away from them.

The abuser reports the victim for assault; the victim goes to jail.

I’m not saying that women are never the abuser/aggressor. I’m not saying that men are never the victim.

What I am saying is that very effective abusers don’t just use one tool at their disposal. The most competent abusers wield the power and control wheel with skill, often only resorting to physical violence as a last resort.

Because of how the world still unfairly works (misogyny), the abuser is most often (not exclusively) a cisgender man and the victim is most often (not exclusively) a woman or child.

Yes, men can be abused by women as well and the phenomenon is under-reported (as is violence by men against women).

The best solution for any survivor of abuse is to

1. Gain distance and independence from the abuser,
2. Obtain support from caring friends, family, and society in general, and
3. Report the abuse if it won’t bring any further harm to the victim.