Why is polyamory so scary?

It’s not supposed to be scary.

If you’re scared, you’re approaching polyamory, your potential partners, and the possible situations with a negative mindset. That will ruin the “best” poly arrangement (however that works with you).

And poly isn’t one thing. It’s many things (based on the many different relationships you’re having with individuals). Craft the kind of poly arrangement you want, acknowledge that your potential partners can do the same, and address problems as they arise.

Instead of mandating behavioral limits between partners, poly people tend to address jealousy and envy head on to help alleviate hurt feelings and misunderstandings. Any relationship rules that are established tend to be around safer sex practices and transparent behavior.

And if none of this works for you, you don’t have to do it. Polyamorists aren’t polygamous misogynists and/or abusers. They don’t use history, tradition, or spiritual beliefs to coerce people into accepting practices that are fundamentally unsuitable for them.

There are manipulators and users that attempt to co-opt poly to justify selfish and unethical behavior. They tend to get called out and rejected pretty quickly in ethical poly circles.