How can I tell if my secret married lover is using me for sex?

The fact that you’re writing this question.

That’s pretty much it.

My guess is you’re “using” your lover for the exact same reason, too, along with some addenda (to feel attractive, powerful, desired, loved, etc., etc.).

If you think I’m wrong, then put it all out there for everyone to see without deception or complications.

What? You’re not going to do that?

That’s what I thought.

Should you take my suggestion, your lover will definitely no longer be a secret and almost certainly won’t be married anymore.

Should you and your lover continue your relationship after this, all the unsexy, boring, unflattering things your lover’s spouse was privy too will be revealed. All that illicit, deceptive, secretive shit that makes you tingle will get shifted to your lover’s lover you didn’t know about (if you don’t also “shift” yourself and cheat on your lover).

Your lover’s soon-to-be-ex-spouse deserves better than you two.