If one person, in a new submissive relationship, decides they don’t actually want to be a submissive anymore, is that enough reason alone to break off the relationship to find another submissive or are we just expecting too much in any relationship?

Please, please, please don’t use the threat of breaking up with someone as a tactic to get someone to cave to your wishes. That’s what abusers do.

Kinky submission only works when the kinky submissive individual is being submissive and kinky by choice.

It’s not a 24/7 deal (no matter how many unrealistic dominants and submissives might praise that fantastical arrangement). When someone isn’t engaged in their kink, they are just like everyone else, with opinions, attitudes, ideas, and preferences that often don’t fit stereotypes.

And if a kinky individual, especially a self-described submissive, decides they don’t want to do that anymore (or they don’t want to be kinky in a certain fashion anymore), that’s the end of the negotiation. If you were really counting on someone being submissive with you and they decide they don’t want that anymore (in their lives or with you in particular), them’s the breaks, pal. You can ask for clarification, but you might not get it. If someone decides to break up with you because of this, remember that breakups are always unilateral. They don’t require the assent or the agreement of the person being broken up with.

If you insist that a person be submissive to you against their will, you’re a garden variety abuser, not an ethical dominant. It doesn’t quite work in reverse because of the power dynamics of BDSM. Submissives can’t really insist someone be dominant with the same degree of risk to their partners and potential to abuse dominants are capable of. Try working on those listening, negotiating, and consent skills BDSM practitioners are supposedly known for. Even if you were in a vanilla relationship by choice, you still wouldn’t get everything you want. If you’ve tried everything and you’re both still unsatisfied, you’ve got some hard decisions to make, including possibly breaking up.

Best of luck.