Do male feminists find it flattering when you are objectified by women? Most women do not feel the same way about objectification. How do you feel when you are sexually objectified by a woman?

I support the humanistic, non-gender essentialist and sex-positive strains of feminism.

I have only been sexually harassed once in my life as a man by a woman. I have been sexually harassed more than once by men, but neither is anywhere near a routine occurence.

Let that sink in. Women are routinely sexually harassed, given unwanted “romantic” and “friendly” attention that stops just short of harassment, and targeted for sexual assault and rape. Again, it has only happened to me once from a woman.

Since I cannot relate to what this is like, let me share with you another kind of harassment that I routinely am subjected to: racial harassment.

I am a black American man. I have natural, dreadlocked hair. I’ve had it for decades.

I cannot begin to tell you how many times people will stop me to let me know how much they “admire” my hair. Some of the people who do this are black themselves. Go figure. Some of these same black people just can’t wait to let me know how I’m doing “blackness” wrong. Many routinely want to know how long I’ve had it and how I care for it. Some think I’m making some sort of political statement.

Here’s the thing. I don’t care what other people think about my hair. I wear my hair the way I do because I like it that way—end of discussion.

I am not wearing my hair “at” you. I am not soliciting feedback on my appearance simply by being a proud black man in public. I don’t need to know, positively or negatively, what you think about a natural aspect of my being specifically related to my ethnicity or race.

And don’t even get me started on the people who reach out to touch my hair without asking—like I’m some sort of human dog to be petted.

My natural opinion about all of this behavior? OH, HELL NO!

My routine response to people who do this is to cut the conversation short and move out of arm’s reach.

I imagine the latter indirect strategy is the type women, of any ethnicity, often employ when being subjected to repeated and unwanted attention and behavior that’s targeted specifically toward their gender.

So how do I feel when I’m objectified (racially, sexually, or both)? I feel like shit, I feel invisible, I feel like I exist only for the pleasure of the other person, and I feel like what I want and desire for myself can be discounted for another person’s entertainment.

It’s not a good feeling.

However, flirting, physical contact, and sexual attention from someone I want attention from feels amazingly good. The point is I’m a participant in that activity.

Every negative interaction I’ve described is about disregarding my consent.